175+ The Best Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages

Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages: Along with being romantic on Valentine’s Day, you can also add some funny words. Or with friends you can try making your Valentine’s Day wishes funny with some funny words. If you were searching for some funny messages and wishes, to write in a valentine’s day wish, then you have come to the right page. Here we have compiled some of your favorite Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages that will help you to funny wish to your friends, lovers, husband- wife, favorite person and co-workers.

Valentine’s Day is a day of laughter, fun, joy and love. You can make Valentine’s Day more special by adding some funny words with love. You send funny quotes or messages or wishes with Valentine love messages and wishes to your lovers, husband- wife, favorite person. Also send Funny Valentine quotes and messages to your friends and co-workers to encourage them more on the occasion of Valentine’s Day.

Table of Content

Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages

Funny Valentine’s Messages for Her

Funny Valentine’s Messages for Him

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Friends

Funny Valentine’s Day Wishes for Singles

Funny Valentine’s Day messages for your partner

Funny Valentine’s Day Text Messages

Funny Valentines Cards Messages

Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

1. “The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan

2. “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman

3. “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan

4. “To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken

5. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” — Bill Maher

6. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystal

7. “My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.” — Jacques Torres

8. “There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” – Melanie Griffith

9. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.” — Steven Wright

10. “Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” —Anonymous

11. “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

12. “Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz

13. “I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” — Tracy Smith

14. “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” — Carroll Bryant

15. “I really like you, even if my resting bitch face says otherwise!” — Unknown

16. “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

17. “What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

18. “Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” —Lewis Black

19. “You know how people say, ‘You can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser

20. “Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris

21. “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” — Dax Shepard

22. “Can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.” — Bridget Jones’s Diary

23. “If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji—no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti

24. “It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.” — Unknown

25.  “Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” — Cathy Carlyle

26. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” — Unknown

27. “Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

28. “That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.” — Sixteen Candles

29. “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland

30. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

31. “Love is a grave mental illness.” — Plato

32. “Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly

33. “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” — Mindy Kaling

34. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

35. “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

36. “Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.” – Unknown

37. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

38. “I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” — Dwight Schrute

39. “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” — Jules Renard

40.  “Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery

41.  “Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.” — Fernando Pessoa

42. “As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” – Ralphie May

43. “Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.” — Jewish Proverb

44. “In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.” — Pretty Woman

45. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

46. “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.” — Cher

47. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” – Garry Shandling

48. “So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.” — King Jaffe Joffer

49. “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey

50. “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” — Jackie Mason

51. “I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.” — Chico Marx

52. “So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.” — King Jaffe Joffer

53. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball

54. “My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.”— Ray Romano

55. “I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen

56. “Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.” — James Garner

57. “The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’ — Freud

58. “Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb

59. “Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber

60. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie

61. ”A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen

62. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz

63. “I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find your glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito

64. “If love is the answer, then could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

65. ”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein

66. “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

67. “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde

68. “Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham

69. “The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan

70. “You’re just like bacon, beer, and chocolate – you make everything better.” — Unknown

71. “Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” — Unknown

72. ”If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” — Fran Lebowitz

73. “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” — Jerry Seinfeld

74. “Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” — Jimmy Fallon

75. “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah

76. ”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens

77. “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

78. “Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

79. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling

80. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handl

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages

81. Today, let us celebrate the early demise of all men in promoting love just like Saint Valentine did before his own sad demise!

82. The best way to spend this valentine’s day for me is to spend it with the love of my life – food. Wishing happy valentines day to you!

83. I am not saying that I care about money more than I do about you. But it’s my father’s advice to spend my money on good purposes only! Happy Valentine’s Day!

84. I love the way people ask me about my plans on valentine’s as if they don’t know I’m single.

85. I don’t always celebrate valentine’s day, but I make sure I have a fake smile on my face when I do.

86. Valentine’s Day meant nothing to me before you, it’s still means nothing. But I love you anyway.

87. I hate valentine’s day because it makes me feel lonely and disconnected from the world. But I do like the memes. So yeah, keep sending me those!

88. I have found my way back to your heart like a stray dog finds his way back home. Thank you for letting me in every time. Happy valentine’s day!

89. Loving you is my job and every job holder needs the motivation to work. Can I have some motivation tonight? Happy valentine’s day!

90. I guess you didn’t steal my heart; you completely grabbed me from me! Happy Valentine’s day.

91. I like the way you chew my mind like a bar of chocolate. It’s just a matter of days before I become brain dead because of your love!

92. You don’t need flowers to smell sweet and don’t need ornaments to look beautiful. And then I thought you don’t need a valentine’s day either to be loved!

93. You cannot define love in one word and you cannot celebrate love in one day. That’s why I don’t have any plans with you on this Valentine’s Day!

94. May God fills your heart with love and your wallet with money so you can buy some chocolates for your honey! Happy valentine’s day!

95. Let’s pretend for one day that we love each other more than anything else. We can avoid each other for the rest of 364 days!

96. Whoever said Valentine’s day is only for lovers? I love you my best friend! Happy Valentine’s day.

97. I need to upgrade the power of my glasses because I’m blindly in love with you.

98. Celebrating Valentine’s Day looks great in movies. But in real life, it’s just horrible and costly. Try buying a bouquet of flowers and you’ll know!

99. You don’t need a valentine to spend time with on valentine’s day, just like you don’t need HIV on AIDS day.

Funny Valentine’s Messages for Her

100. My healthcare plan does not cover the broken heart. So please don’t leave me ever. Happy valentine’s day!

101. I wish I could strip your clothes off tonight like the way you strip a bar of wrapped chocolate. I really wish I was with you tonight. Happy valentine’s day sweetheart!

102. I don’t usually hang out on valentine’s day, but when I do, I make sure It’s with someone so gorgeous as you!

103. I wish I could wrap all my love for you in a box and send you as a gift on this valentine’s day. But I couldn’t send it because there is not such a big box to carry all my love for you.

104. I was single and sad. And then I met you and realized being single was not so bad. Just kidding! Happy valentine’s day, my love!

105. Girl, are you a library book? Because I can’t stop looking for you! Loving you is a weird thing and a roller coaster ride for me. Happy Valentine’s day!

106. It is hard to be wise and a lover at the same time while loving you. Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart!

107. I just found out that I have fallen in love more deeply than I had originally planned. You can take this as a valentine’s day confession from me!

108. Before our relationship, you told me you ain’t got time for valentine’s day. Well, I’ve just realized that you lied about that. Happy valentine’s day anyway!

109. I don’t need a lot of candies this valentine’s day because I’m on a diet. You can buy me diamonds instead!

110. If my wealth grew as much as my love for you today, I’d be on the Forbes list of richest men in the world. Happy valentine’s day!

111. Happy valentine’s day my love. Can you help me find the cheapest dinner plan for the two of us tonight? I’ll be forever grateful to you for that!

112. What if I told you that you cleaning up all the dishes seduces me more than you whining about a candlelight dinner on valentine’s day?

Funny Valentine’s Messages for Him

113. Thanks to me being so beautiful, we make the most gorgeous couple. Happy Valentine’s Day.

114. Want to know my plan for today? Getting you arrested for stealing my heart. Happy valentine’s day, my love!

115. I love you like a lazy guy loves his bed in the morning. I want you like a monkey wants a banana and I crave for you as a fat boy craves for chocolates.

116. The world is filled with so many people with so little love. Tonight, let’s make some love together. Happy valentine’s day!

117. If you can’t buy happiness with money, try buying a valentine’s gift for me. It will work like magic. I can guarantee you that!

118. When people ask me what the best thing about you is, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you. Happy valentine’s Day!

119. I would say you are my favorite thing about Valentine’s Day but then I remember chocolates exist. So, you are my second favorite thing about Valentine’s Day.

120. I love you so much, I could steal the moon for you, but for now, here I stole chocolates. Happy Valentine’s Day.

121. Darling, I think we will have a great time together today. Just don’t forget to spend some time on dental cleaning. Happy valentine’s day!

122. Buy me chocolates and flowers today, or tonight you dine alone. The choice is yours, darling. Happy valentine’s day to you with love!

123. Happy Valentine’s Day. Here is the list of things you should buy me because you are the best boyfriend in the entire world.

124. A date with you? No thanks, I would rather have an apple by myself alone. Happy valentine’s day!

125. You are just as much weird as me. That makes us a perfect couple. Happy valentine’s day to my crazy one!

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Friends

126. It’s always a wonder how the least intelligent guy in the friend circle gets the most beautiful girl in the class. Happy Valentine’s Day!

127. I don’t mind being a security guard while you’re dating as long as you’re paying for me being drunk & grabbing some hookers from the club.

128. Dear friend, wishing you a happy valentine’s day. I hope you will enjoy yourself with your girlfriend since she won’t leave you to accompany your friends for a night out party.

129. Whatever you do, don’t commit yourself. You’ll be dead long before your death. Happy valentine’s day!

130. It feels so sad to know that you don’t have any special person to spend Valentine’s day with. You better spend the day with me, and better luck next year!

131. Girlfriends are temporary, friends are permanent. Accept this truth, my friend. Let’s spend this Valentine’s Day high on drugs and drunk as a lord!

132. If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.

133. If you feel lonely today, just remind yourself that yesterday you felt the same as today, and tomorrow will not be different either. Happy valentine’s day!

134. Do you know the very famous quote saint valentines said before his death? – he said, “don’t buy a cow when you can have milk for free’’!

135. Love is just like a fart. If you push it, it will be crap. Happy valentine’s day, my friend!

136. I hope you have prepared the best valentine’s day gift for your best friend!

137. On this valentine’s day, if you don’t have anyone, don’t be sad. Just know that you’re not the only one.

138. Valentine’s day is one day to stay committed to one person and the other days are for other persons.

139. Love is like a blanket. It will keep you warm and safe for some time but very soon you’ll realize that it was an electric blanket and someone else is in control of the switch!

Funny Valentine’s Day Wishes for Singles

140. If you remain single for the next 2 or 3 years, you should really consider dating yourself. Because you are one of a kind and there’s no one like you!

141. Even God couldn’t find someone for you in all these years. Maybe she is not born yet, or maybe she is from mars! Happy Valentine’s Day!

142. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Happy Valentine’s Day to Me!

143. The power of human brain is unlimited. Even a loser can create an imaginary valentine for himself anytime. Then my friend, why you’re so sad?

144. Having a great time with my GF so far, just wanted to know how you’ve been doing today? How does it feel like dating yourself? I’m dying to know!

145. Every Valentine’s Day creates a hole in my pocket that I need the whole year to repair. I’m glad that you’re still single!

146. I have never seen anyone more romantic and caring as a person than you are. Maybe this is the reason why you are still single!

147. You may not have someone to love but at least your pocket is safe & secure. Enjoy your life man! I’ve started to envy you already!

148. I get it, you are not single; you’re just waiting for something real, which unfortunately will never happen. Happy valentine’s day!

Funny Valentine’s Day messages for your partner

149. Let’s pretend like we are one of the best couples in the world. Other days, nobody will notice us.

150. Happy Valentine’s day. This valentine, I hope you’ll stop getting on my nerves.

151. Next valentine, you may be changing the diaper of our kids, so better enjoy the valentine this year!

152. Nobody will love you like me after knowing all your weird habits. Happy Valentine’s day!

153. This Valentine I am officially requesting you to leave my head, I can’t stop thinking about you.

154. Happy Valentine’s Day. I can’t imagine how lucky you are to be married to me!

155. We slew the dating game, now we are slaying the married life. Happy Valentine’s Day.

156. I had a crush on so many guys, but you were the most handsome among all of them. So you are the luckiest guy who got me right beside you. Happy Valentine’s day!

157. I called the police to get you arrested. Your crime is stealing my heart and taking my breath away. Happy Valentine’s Day.

158. Every day with you is Valentine, that’s why I don’t have any special gift for you today.

159. You are a robber and a drug dealer at the same time. Because you not only stole my heart but also made me addicted to you. Happy Valentine’s day, my dear husband.

160. I always wondered what it is like to spend Valentine’s Day with the most awesome person in the world? Now I can know. So, wife, how is it to spend Valentine’s Day with me?

Funny Valentine’s Day Text Messages

161. Every man would agree that the 14th of February should be celebrated in a fiscally but not sexually conservative way.

162. My friends are the weirdest, craziest people I know but I love them. Happy Valentines’ Day everyone!

163. Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day.

164. Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And it would be best if you used your imagination too.

165. What present will you give for your right hand during Valentine’s Day?

166. Valentine’s day is the perfect day to tell you those three special words… Let’s get naked!

167. I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day with all my heart, and lungs, and liver, and spleen…!

168. Here’s Valentine’s Day filled with good wine, good food and especially good friends like you.

169. Roses are red, fitness is great, I would’ve gotten you chocolate, but you need to lose some weight.

Funny Valentines Cards Messages

170. “You are annoying, but I still love you! Happy Valentine’s Day, Love!”

171. “There are minion reasons why I Love You! Happy Valentine’s Day to you!”

172. “We’re like two peas in a pod; you’re my Cup of Tea! Happy Valentine’s Day to you!”

173. “I love you even when you snore; I’m so glad you have me! Happy Valentine’s Day to My Love!”

174. “Be my Valentine; you know it makes sense! Happy Valentine’s Day to you, My Love!”

175. “I fall in love with you more and more every day, well not every day; yesterday you were pretty annoying. Happy Valentine’s Day to you!”

Final words —

Hope you are enjoying this The Best Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages. Choose your favorite from the Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages and send them to your friends, lovers, husband- wife, favorite person and co-workers. And you can share these Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes and Messages on Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Twitter or any other social media of your choice.