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Funny Christmas Quotes and Wishes: Here we have collected some Funny Christmas Quotes and Wishes. 25th December is a day of great celebration and joy for Christians. Jesus Christ was born on this day. Along with the people belonging to the Christian religion, people of almost every religion are happy and joyful on this day.
You can send funny Christmas Quotes and Wishes to fill the happy day of your friends, family members, co-workers and loved ones with more joy and happiness. If you are looking for some Funny Christmas Quotes and Wishes then you have come to the right page. So without wasting time let’s read Funny Christmas Quotes and Wishes.
Table of Content
Funny Christmas Quotes
Funny Merry Christmas Wishes
Funny Christmas Wishes for him
Funny Christmas Wishes for Her
Funny Christmas Quotes
1. “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan
2. “You know what I got for Christmas? Fat.” — Unknown
3. “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen Degeneres
4. “You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” — Chico Marx
5. “A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.” — Unknown
6. “Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy.’” — Robert Paul
7. “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
8. “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” — Elf
9. “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul
10. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz
11. “Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
12. “Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet.” — Unknown
13. “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” — Robert Godden
14. “Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home.” — Carol Nelson
15. “Once you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas.” — Unknown
16. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” — Unknown
17. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” — Unknown
18. “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard
19. “White Christmas’ is the ‘Bohemian Rapsody’ of Christmas songs.” ― Stewart Stafford
20. “The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.” — Bill Vaughan
21. “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White
22. “There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.” — Milton Berle
23. “There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” — Kristen Wiig
24. “More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” — Linda Sunshine
25. “It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” — Craig Ferguson
26. “Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.” — Melanie White
27. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. — Winston Spear
28. “I wish we could put some of our Christmas spirit in jars and open one up every month.” — Unknown
29. “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”— Charles M. Schulz
30. “The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
31. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
32. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
33. “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson
34. “One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” — Grace Kriley
35. “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman
36. “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
37. “A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White
38. “Christmas is such a carefree, low-pressure time—that’s one of the things I love about it. — Stephen King
39. “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” — Elf
40. “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Bridger Winegar
41. “Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” — Larry Wilde
42. “It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”— Milton Berle
43. “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld
44. “What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” — Don Marquis
45. “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” — Larry Wilde
46. “Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” — Stephen Fry
47. “I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
48. “Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Jones
49. “I just want to be rich enough to buy enough ornaments to cover more than one side of the tree.” — Charlotte Christmas
50. “You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” — Kate Summers
51. “From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it.” – Katharine Whitehorn
52. “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’” — Bernard Manning
53. “Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” — Unknown
54. “Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” — Jimmy Fallon
55. “Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” — Frank McKinney Hubbard
56. “The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe
57. “The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.” — Robert Rivers
58. “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor
59. “There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?”— Conan O’Brien
60. “We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” — Bill McKibben
61. “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips
62. “It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” — Jimmy Kimmel
63. “Of course Santa is dead. You force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?” — Jimmy Kimmel
64. “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson
65. “I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.” — Eloisa James
66. “Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn’t.” — Evan Esar
67. “Santa Clause wears a red suit. He must be a communist. And long hair. He must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe he’s smoking?” — Arlo Guthrie
68. “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” — Guy Endore Kaiser
69. “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
70. “One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” — Louis C.K.
71. “Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry
72. “I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough. — Bridger Winegar.
73. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple
74. “I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” — David Letterman
75. “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” — Maya Angelou
76. “People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?” — Unknown
77. “I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him. — Theodore W. Higginsworth
78. “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno
79. “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” — Anonymous
80. “I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” — Steven Wright
81. “My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.” — Dave Barry
82. “‘Mistletoe,’ said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry’s head. He jumped out from under it. ‘Good thinking,’ said Luna seriously. ‘It’s often infested with gargles.’” — J.K. Rowling
83. “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” — P.J. O’Rourk
84. “It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” — Bill Murray
85. “Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” — Samantha Bee
86. “I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” — Demetri Martin
87. “In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’” ― Dave Barry
88. “I grew up on a Christmas Tree Farm so this is a good season for me. I was too young to help with the hauling of the trees up the hills and putting them onto cars. So, it was my job to pull the praying mantis pods off of the Christmas trees. The problem with that is if you leave them on there, people bring them into their house. I forgot to check one time and they hatched all over these people’s house—and there were hundreds of thousands of them!” — Taylor Swift
Funny Merry Christmas Wishes
89. Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name in Santa’s naughty list.
90. Merry Christmas! May Santa bring you winning lottery tickets in your socks!
91. May your Christmas be as fat, happy, and plentiful as Santa’s! Merry Christmas!
92. Do not spend all of your savings in one day over this lovely holiday. Merry Christmas!
93. I know you are feeling grinchy, but I wish your Christmas to be merry! Best wishes to you!
94. Christmas is the festival of love and spirit. So let us drink the spirit to feel love; Merry Christmas too!
95. I’ve never decked the halls and I have no idea what Jingle Bell rock is. But I hope your Christmas rocks!
96. Merry Christmas! May Santa fill your stocking with winning lottery tickets! Hope you holiday season is a winner!
97. Wishing for a fat bearded guy to visit you at night is weird but I guess that’s tradition for you. Merry Christmas!
98. Merry Christmas! May the lines at the stores you shop at be short, and may your patience be long this holiday season!
99. Good luck with wishing people unrealistic things from someone who doesn’t even exist. Have a great Christmas this year!
100. Hope you get to drink a lot and feast well in the holiday season. Lose yourself and have a bit more fun. Merry Christmas!
101. May you survive the priest’s boring speech in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!
102. I’ll declare war if you throw a snowball at me. Let’s make this the happiest Christmas we’ve ever had! Merry Christmas!
103. A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!
104. If I forget to bring presents for you, keep your doors open. Santa will definitely come with a box of chocolates. Merry Christmas!
105. The best Christmas gifts are those given from the heart. On the other hand, cash and gift cards are effective too! Merry Christmas!
106. I hope Santa fills our socks with cash instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wishing you a happy Christmas!
107. Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So makes sure you spend the entire day with me tomorrow. Merry Christmas!
108. Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!
109. One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!
110. Enjoy your holiday and feel the magic of Christmas this year. Witness how money disappears and how I lose my sanity. Merry Christmas!
111. May your Christmas be spent eating candies and cakes as long as you don’t forget brushing your teeth. Wishing you a Merry Xmas!
Funny Christmas Wishes for him
112. Take my Christmas love and remember to bring me gifts. Merry Christmas!
113. May all your savings doesn’t get spent on Christmas presents but do find me a something special. Merry Christmas.
114. I’d like to say that all I want for Christmas is you, but I’d also like a new credit card! Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
115. Santa said you’ve been a great one this year. So, he will be giving you free vouchers to clean the house and find random things.
116. Lob a snowball at me, and I’ll declare war. Let’s make this one the best Christmas for us together! Merry Christmas to you!
117. Christmas is the time to be with good people. So make a plan to spend the whole Christmas with me. Merry Christmas, love!
118. Nowadays, you look like Santa with a big tummy and long beard. Guess what, you are going to the gym next year! Happy Holidays!
119. All I want for Christmas is YOU but as I have already got you, thanks in advance for the hot chocolate on Christmas eve. Merry Christmas.
120. Merry Christmas, the love of my life. After all our fancy Christmas dinners, I enjoy the fact that I am not the only one washing the dishes.
121. Having you by my side this Christmas means everything extra. Extra food, extra admiration, extra bills- everything. Love you anyway, Merry Christmas
122. Your name has been missing from both the naughty and nice list of Santa. So, I told him to search for your name on his handsome list. I’m sure he will find it there!
123. Sending your way, a bundle of warm wishes and good luck on this holiday. Take my love and don’t forget to bring presents for me tonight. Merry Christmas!
Funny Christmas Wishes for Her
124. You don’t need Santa to get special presents while you have me in life. I am your all-year-long Santa.
125. So I excited to spend this Christmas with you. Can’t wait to make some funny moments with you.
126. Someone woke up early in the morning to check her socks. Good for the socks, good for my morning too!
127. Everything grows old, except for You and Santa. Merry Christmas, my love. Sending warm wishes on your way this Christmas!
128. When I say I don’t want any present, I am fibbing … so I will be waiting for my surprise Christmas gift… Merry Christmas my love!
129. Santa’s did not find your name in the bad people’s list. So I told him to look in the cute list. And now he is on his way. Merry Christmas.
130. Santa asked me what my heart wants this Christmas! I told him your name, and he said you’re already in my heart! Merry Christmas!
131. I have no money to spend for you on this Christmas but know that I always have time to spend with you this Christmas! Merry Christmas!
132. I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!
133. I wrote to Santa admitting that I have been naughty throughout this year and it’s all because of you. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Merry Christmas!
134. I don’t need any more presents on Christmas because I have you and I am sure you can buy me everything that I want … Merry Christmas and thanks for making it so special.
135. I don’t think I need any gifts this Christmas because I have the biggest present and that is you my love. Warm wishes to the loveliest and cutest man I know… Merry Christmas.
136. My wish this Christmas is to get that special one in my life. Santa said that he will give me the gift. So at night when Santa comes, he will wrap you up and bring it to me. Have a joyous Christmas.
Conclusion —
Hope you enjoyed the Funny Christmas Quotes and Wishes. Choose your favorite Funny Christmas Quotes or Wishes from the above written Christmas Quotes and Wishes, and you can send them to all your friends, family members, co-workers and loved ones. You can use WhatsApp, Facebook, and Instagram or any social media to send this Funny Christmas Quotes or Wishes. Thank you for reading this Funny Christmas Quotes and Wishes.
